We are often the hardest critics of ourselves. We feel that being harsh on ourselves will make us more self-aware and motivated to work more, but this is a fallacy. According to a significant amount of research, self-criticism undermines our resilience. We are less able to learn from our mistakes when we punish ourselves. Anxiety and melancholy, as well as an inability to recover from failures, are more common in self-critical people. Consider a person who is running a marathon for the first time in their lives and trips and falls. “You’re a loser, you’re not a runner,” someone on the sidelines says. What are you doing in this place? “Return to your home.” Our internal, self-critical voice is that person. On the other hand, self-compassion is someone who says, “Everyone fails, this is normal.” You’re incredible, and you’re crushing it.”
Self-compassion is the ability to be conscious of your feelings—to be aware of the emotions that arise when you fail at something. It doesn’t mean you have to identify with them; you may simply notice and observe them without adding fuel to the fire. Self-compassion also entails accepting that everyone makes errors and that it is a natural part of life. And it’s the ability to speak to oneself as warmly and compassionately as you would tao a buddy who has just failed. According to a study, when we adopt this mentality, we become calmer, with less stress and lower cortisol levels. We’re also more resilient: we’re less fearful of failing and more driven to improve.
