Seek to love rather than control others. The first significant step toward living peacefully is to stop seeking power over people and outcomes in your life. Trying to control others means attempting to force your will and reality on them. But, even with the best of intentions, forcing your will on others takes away their power and creates a huge imbalance that can lead to rage, hurt, and resentment. A domineering attitude in relationships will almost certainly keep you in conflict with others. The healthy alternative is to seek to understand others before seeking to change them, to allow peaceful disagreement, and to utilize persuasion and leadership in a way that inspires others. It does not imply being a doormat or a pushover, or failing to stand up for oneself; it is cultivating connections rather than attempting to dominate.
Peace comes before power.
Gandhi demonstrated that power won through the threat of punishment is more effective and lasting than power gained through the threat of punishment. Controlling other people, for example, through threatening conduct, manner, or actions, will result in coercion rather than respect and affection. Typically, this results in bitterness and fury. While one may get their “way,” it will not be at the expense of the enjoyment of people around them. This is not a calm existence.
Another example: To keep kids in line, one instructor may use detentions and the threat of punishment. Another option is to praise children for exemplary behavior, making them feel appreciated and inspired. Both have neat classrooms…but which would a pupil prefer to learn in? And which one is most likely to help kids learn more effectively?
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